Culture of dispute: Why calm down everything makes it worse!

In heated disputes it is a classic mishap: someone roars "calm down!" - and that is exactly what makes it worse! In the long history of interpersonal conflicts, this statement has probably never helped anyone, expert opinions show. According to psychologist Ryan Martin, who in the podcast "Am I Doing It Wrong?" can be heard by Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, even words like "relax yourself" are even more counterproductive. Instead of de -escalating, such sentences often only bring emotions to be boiled, as is reported on today.at.

Psychologists explain that sentences such as “calm down” often fall into moments when rational communication is no longer possible and the person is on the defensive. Martin outlines that it is particularly amusing, how these challenges are often made in a loud voice, which also increases the tension. Instead, he recommends that you live the desired behavior yourself by talking calmer and quieter. This strategy, which is evolutionarily anchored, can help to appease your own excitement and to direct the dispute in a constructive direction, as is also explained in this context of 20 minutes.

The key to de -escalation

Martin emphasizes: Only those who stay calm themselves have the opportunity to calm their own counterpart and thereby find a solution to the conflict. Clear, gentle communication contributes decisively to calm and opens the way to a productive conversation. The importance of the tone is evident in the respective statements by Martin, Punjabi and Michelson, which are devoted to the psychology of conflicts and offer concrete tips in order to get out of heated discussions. By changing your own behavior and communicating quieter, nothing more in the way of designing the conversation.